|
|
Monday, May 23rd, 2005
| |
7:15 pm - Muscular Dystrophy
|
*Cross Posted to No Pity
Hi, I am hoping that someone could give me some answers. I just got a call from my mom who lives in Puerto Rico. Without giving a whole lot of info, she told me that her arm went numb and was "useless" last night. She went to the ER and after a lot of tests, she was told that she is experiencing the "onset of MD". Is that possible at her age (she's 50)?
She has been experiencing muscle weakness. She has been falling a lot and gets tingling in her arms (When she was here, she was diagnosed with a pinched nerve). I thought that it may be MS. What is the difference? If she does have MD, what is usually the prognosis? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
current mood:  worried
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, April 1st, 2005
| |
12:55 pm - Music
|
It's amazing how music can say what I sometimes can't put into words. I love music that has a nice melody and words that say somethng (The 80's was a great time). It's rare that I can listen but I am home today because I have a busy weekend coming up. Tomorrow, I have a wedding and Sunday is my little girls 3rd birthday. I am paying bills right now and listening to music. I came across a song today and it sums up what I have felt for my ex for such a long time. As time progresses, the feelings dwindle, but always there. The song is by the Backstreet Boys from their upcoming album, "Never Gone". It's called" Invisible."
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess
I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete
I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete
Incomplete
current mood:  relaxed
current music: Evanescence
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
| |
5:36 pm - Been a long time...
|
since I wrote. Even let my paid account expire, but doesn't really matter since I don't take advantage of it. Oh, well.This is the first time in a long time that I have had a moment to myself, much less think. Thinking isn't always a good thing because it just gives me a headache. lol. I have been so busy at work and home that I am exhausted at the end of the day. Aren't we all? At least I have off for Thanksgiving and the day after...
My little one is a handful, but the joy of my life. Although there are days I want to escape. My husband is a good man and takes care of her while I work. He has a lot of patience. Things are better between us because we talk alot, but I still wish he would hear me on some issues. No one is perfect, even me.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Josh Groban
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
| |
12:05 am - "A, You're Adorable"...
|
I do not know who sang this song originally, but it has become one of my favorite songs of all time (especially when that special someone sings it). I sing it for Sammi all the time. It always puts a smile on my face. For those who don't know it , here are the lyrics:
A, you're Adorable,
B, you're so Beautiful,
C, you're a Cutie full of charm.
D, you're a Darling and
E, you're Exciting and
F, you're a Feather in my arms.
G, you're so Good to me,
H, you're so Heavenly,
I, you're the one I Idolize.
J, we're like Jack and Jill,
K, you're so Kissable,
L, means you're the Love of my life.
M,N,O, P,
I could go on all day.
Q, R, S, T,
Alphabetically speaking, you're okay.
U, make my like complete,
V, means you're Vey sweet,
W,X,Y,Z,
It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you to tell you how much you mean to me.
current mood:  happy
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, June 20th, 2004
| |
6:29 pm - Happy Father's Day
|
This is a day that fathers are treated special for who they are: Fathers. However, I am a firm believer that Father' s Day should be everyday. That goes for all the designated "special" days. Recognition should be given daily to everyone. Should there be a "Friends Day?" Considering my friends, there should be...
I have a select group of friends and I cherish them all. I hope they know that, although I try to show them everyday. Some friends I have had since childhood, while others have been for a shorter time. Still, I feel like I've known them forever.
I have been having a difficult time lately (mostly work related) and my friends have been great. Without them, I'd be burnt out. They are honest and understanding without being judgemental. Although I may hear something that I may not like, I appreciate their willingness to help and I am grateful. Thank you so much guys. I love you much...Laughter is really the best medicine...lol...lol
current mood: thoughtful
current music: My Immortal by Evanescence
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, June 18th, 2004
| |
6:31 pm - Choices
|
When we are young, we don't really understand how our choices will affect the rest of our lives. When we are older, we look back at our choices and question why we did what we did.
As I approach 30 (still look 25), I am examining my choices in life. If only I chose a different job path, I would be happier. Maybe not... If only I didn't let anger, jealousy, secrets, sadness, revenge and most of all fear get in the way, I may be in a different place right now. Happier? Who knows....
I am not a religious person, but I believe in GOD and that there is a reason for everything. It's best not to look for the reason cause you won't find it, but you always wonder "What if?"
I'm not miserable, but I miss a lot of things. I also gained a lot: My beautiful intelligent Samantha, my sweet husband, Lucinio, great friends and the respect of my coworkers and boss. That feels great. As my best friend pointed out, I have a lot more going for me than others, so I can't complain too much. I try not to...
As an adult, you still make choices and hope that you have learned from the past. Have I? I hope so, but you never stop learning. At least, I am comforted by the notion that I can correct my choices before I get in too deep. Am I? No, at least not yet and don't have any plans to.
current mood:  exhausted
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
| |
11:02 pm - A Day at the Park
|
Who would've thunk it? Hanging out at a playground at Prospect Park with my daughter, husband, my ex (who was my first love), his daughter (who is beautiful, with eyes like her daddy's) and his girlfriend (who is actually really nice). It was a pleasant day. Samantha and his daughter got along very well. She even watched over Sam like a big sister. It was adorable.
I hope that they get to spend more time together. Samantha really liked her and they were really good together. I was so proud of my girl. Eventually, she was so tired (no nap), but kept on playing as long as her new friend was around. Sammi went in the sprinklers (a first) and got drenched. I have to remember to bring her bathing suit and a change of clothes next time. I pushed his daughter on the swing as Sam watched because she is afraid of swings now. Boy, can his daughter fly! :) It was a great day and I know it will be a day that Samantha will never forget. Come to think of it, neither will I.
current mood:  tired
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, April 17th, 2004
| |
11:10 am - She's Back
|
Duchess is alive and well. She was in the drop ceiling of the super's work room in the basement. She was dehydrated and dirty, but after a bath, she was back to her old self. It's good to have her home.
current mood:  thankful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
| |
11:30 pm - Meow....
|
I came home from work only to be told by my husband that my cat, Duchess was no where to be found. I didn't think anything of it because she always hides, but it's almost 11:30 pm and she has yet to surface. Duchess likes to go out on the fire escape, but she ALWAYS comes back. I am trying not to cry.
She was a gift from my brother 8 years ago (Longer than I've known my husband). She was only a month old and she was soooo cute. She thought I was her mom and I used to get up an hour earlier before leaving for school to feed her a little bottle of milk as she curled up in my hand. Duchess was my baby and I spoiled her. That is until my daughter was born. She was my baby now and I ignored Duchess. I didn't realize it until now....
I don't even remember the last time I saw her and I am so upset. She was (is) a member of my family and I pray that she is okay and not hurt or scared. I'm trying to be positive, but it's hard. She never did this before. Duchess, please come back. We love and miss u.
current mood:  crushed
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, February 1st, 2004
| |
5:20 pm - Best Friend/Sister
|
I have a friend who I have known for 17 years. I don't have a sister, but she may as well been her. She is the best. We have the type of relationship that I never fell less or inadequate. She is someone who I tell everything to and never worry about being judged. She is truly my best friend. I never have to say, "I love you" because she already knows and vice versa. We don't speak everyday. Weeks can pass and when we talk, it's like the time has passed.
During the recent events that have transpired over the past several days, she has been great. She listened to me bitch and cry and has been very supportive. I can never express what a help she has been and how much I appreciate it. I'm sure she knows... Without her, I would still be a mess. She has also helped me with home visits by driving me to my consumer's homes. We go out to eat and talk lots. She always knows the best places to go: Olive Garden, Cheesecake Factory, etc.
She is beautiful, inside & out. I can never repay her for all she has done and continues to do for me and my family. It's rare to find someone like that. I am very lucky and I hope that I am as good a friend as she is to me. Thank You SO much. I love you Kim. :)
current mood: grateful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 15th, 2004
| |
11:07 am - Keeping it real...
|
I am home today because of the snow. The cold doesn't help either. Can u say "spastic"? :) Yesterday, I was talking to a psychologist friend of mine and we had a very interesting conversation about honesty and reality. It got me thinking; but then again, what doesn't? :) Anyway, we were talking about parents, kids and how sometimes it is difficult to discuss issues like sex with a child with a disability. We were focusing on the MR/DD population since those are the people I serve, but it can apply to all persons and disabilities.
In my agency, the consumers are adults but have the mentality of children. They have all the normal urges and desires. The issue at hand is that many parents don't want to discuss it because maybe it will "go away." That is unrealistic. Instead, parents may just say, "It is bad" or put them on birth control. Ok, that is the easiest way, but that doesn't solve the problem. Instead, the person is left confused, scared or both. Why not educate them first? That way, they know what is going on and maybe they will be able to make informed choices before taking extreme measures. Just because they have a disability, doesn't mean that they don't have a right to be treated like everyone else. Sure, some of my consumers do not have the capacity to fully comprehend certain issues, but it can always be explained in a simpler way.
In my experience, parents hide things from their children because we do not want them to make the same mistakes or they want to look "perfect". C'mon, we are human. Just because we become parents does not make us perfect angels. If we act as such, that puts pressure on our kids to live up to us and that is impossible. I'm not saying to disclose all, but I have made choices that I am not proud of. I learned from them and my daughter will learn from hers. I will just guide her along the way. As my friend said yesterday, "The child usually walks in the footsteps the parents cover up with sand." A very powerful statement.
current mood:  cold
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, January 4th, 2004
| |
10:52 pm - Compromise
|
Someone who holds a special place in my heart is going through so much right now. We speak often and he asked me for advice. Anyone who knows me and this person knows that I would do anything for him despite the fact that he broke my heart many years ago. Part of me will always love him, no matter how hard I try not to. My point is that it's hard to give advice to someone you still have feelings for. However, I wish him happiness, even if I still believe that we could have been happy very together. But I digress... :)
He doesn't know who or what he wants and that is driving him crazy. One minute, he is unhappy with his relationship, dates another woman while living with the ex (long story) and now thinks that he is back in love with the first one. I am not a judge of anyone's actions, but I personally do not believe that one can fall in, out and then back in love with someone. He thinks he loves her again (so be it), but now she has moved on with another and told him that she isn't ready to try again. Again, I understand where she is coming from. However, I also understand why he is so confused.
He now realizes that he is stubborn and hard to talk to as well. He can also be quite selfish. I commend him for FINALLY opening his eyes. The problem is that he believes that he can now "fix" what was broke in the relationship. My answer was that he needs to fix himself first. Decide what he wants in a relationship. Decide what he needs to make him happy. It is only when his mind is clear with all the clutter and "bad" thoughts that he can truly be receptive to another. I tried to explain that maybe he is afraid of being alone (Aren't we all?) and that maybe he feels the need to make things right as to not feel like a failure anymore. I know him well, so I feel confident in saying this to him. Besides, I mean well...
I also explained that no one is perfect and that no one person will ever get exactly what they want in a companion. This is where the "Compromise" part comes in. I believe that in order to be happy with another, both must compromise. Webster's dictionary defines compromise as "Mutual promise to abide by an arbiter's decision, to promise mutually, settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions, something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things, to bind by mutual agreement and to adjust or settle by mutual concessions. In other words, you do something for me, I'll so something for you: Understanding.
No one is perfect, but we are all looking for that perfect mate. It'll never happen. Only on TV and movies. We have to do with what we have. Sure, you can always look for something "better", but then you take a chance on loosing what was good. In my experience, there are good qualities in everyone. The problem is that there is not anyone out there who possesses everything that is desired. If there is someone like that, please have them call me. :)
Baby Blues, I hope that this helps you in some way. I always have your best interests at heart (even if I sometimes don't agree).
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
7:38 pm - We are Family
|
My brother Anthony left to go back to Baltimore after spending a couple of days here. He hates being there (he moved out there to be with his girlfriend, who is now his ex. We hate that he is there. He says that the only reason he is still there is because of his job. We speak often via the Internet. We talk through microphones. It's great! Don't you just love technology? We are closer since I had Samantha, so I miss him like crazy. We spent Saturday together with my other brother, Ben. Anthony and Ben are fraternal twins. Ben and I aren't as close as I would like, but I am happy to say that I had a great time.
Anthony said that he would try to come back next month. I hope so. It's rare when we three get to spend time together. Even my mom was touched that her kids hung out together. I'll always remember these days. Thanks, bro. I love u.
current mood:  touched
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
| |
12:25 am - Why
|
do I let myself believe in something that isn't real? Maybe it's the fantasy of it all. I've always hoped for happily ever after, but that is only just for fairy tales. Maybe that's why I wasn't born a man. If I was, I would treat a woman the way she should be treated:
With (in no particular order)...
1. Respect
2. Diginity
3. Love
4. Appreciation
5. Understanding
6. Compassion
7. Passion
8. Friendship
9. Trust
10. Honesty
11.Friendship
12.Honor
13.Understanding
14.Admiration
15.Completion
I would probably be one in a million... F**k it, I already am. Now, if only the men in my life realize it...
FYI: Anyone that wants to add to the list, feel free. I'd love to see what u come up with.
current mood:  restless
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 1st, 2004
| |
7:32 pm - Venting...Again!
|
For many years, I was very passive. I never said what was on my mind and held everything in until I exploded. It was very unhealthy. I learned after a while that my thoughts and feelings were important and that I had a right, if not a duty, to speak up. Now, I say what's on my mind and I have to say that I feel lots better about myself and in general. Now, others may not like it, but that's tough.
I never force my beliefs or opinions on others because I believe that everyone and their opinions are important. All I ask is that one try to understand where I am coming from and validate it. That's what I give in return. Besides, the world would be a nicer place if we treated everyone the way we'd like to be treated. If there are disagreements (which there usually is), I would rather discuss it in lieu of confrontation. However, I haven't had the opportunity to discuss issues camly because some of the people in my life do not listen to me. They only hear me. There IS a difference. Are you listening now?! Probably not...
You never listen, do u? Why? We should be better than this. At least, I hope we are. I can only be patient for so long and it is wearing thin. Believe me when I say, "You wouldn't like it when I'm angry." *Borrowed from Bruce Banner of the Incredible Hulk. I am the first to admit that I have a REALLY bad temper, but as I get older (almost 30), I get better. 2004 didn't start as I had hoped and right now, it looks like it's not getting better. Only time will tell. I just hope I have the patience.
current mood:  angry
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
| |
5:20 pm - They should come with instructions....
|
because that is the only way that I can truly understand! I am sooo pissed. How can someone make plans and cancel them at the last minute because something better came along? Sure, this person is not obligated to see me, but when this person is ready I have to fucking run? I don't think so! I'll remember this...
Did I say that I am heated? There aren't even words to describe how hot I am. Maybe, I'm naive, but the point is that this person doesn't even try to understand where I am coming from. What a way to end 2003. 2004 doesn't look much better. I have no plans. I'll be home and my husband will act like it's no big deal (he wasn't raised with holidays. Believe me, it says a lot for the person he is). I want to have fun: Go out and ring in 2004 with a bang. But, noooooooooooooooo. I hope that you all have a better New Year's Eve than me. I even have to work on the 2nd. Whoppee!
current mood: pissed off
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, December 29th, 2003
| |
5:22 pm - Mother-In-Law.....
|
It's true what the song says. I try hard to get along with her, but she always does someting stupid! Sh irritates the hell out of me. She's with Sammi now, but it was a mission. Everything always is with her. Anyway, I should be tired from a long day @ work, but freestyle music always perks me up. I miss the 80's. My Christmas was okay, but my x-mas eve was great! I got messed up. I had a lot of fun. That's seldom in my world....
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Freestyle mix
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, December 20th, 2003
| |
5:29 pm - Do men get PMS....
|
or is it a full moon? One minute he is fine and the next, he is moody and upset. I have no idea why. I was PMSing last week, so maybe it's his turn. I don't understand. I wonder if there's a support group for this. Ha ha. This happens at least 1x a month. Does he need a Kotex, a douche or a Pamprin? If that's the case, I'll go to the store right now. Calgon, take me away!
current mood:  confused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, December 5th, 2003
| |
10:44 pm - Let it Snow.....NOT!
|
I love to see it fall, but I hate when it's on the ground. Snow and me do not get along because I always feel unsteady walking in it (with CP that nothing new lol). By the grace of God, I had the good sense to take Access-A-Ride home. They actually came early and I was the only one on the van. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy! I was never so excited to see them before. I got home pretty quick, but I still hate that I'm stuck inside this weekend. Especially, if the snow returns like the news has predicted. Let's hope they are wrong.... Stay warm, safe and dry.
current mood: cold
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
| |
8:51 pm - Cough, Cough....
|
Guess it's that time of year when people get sick. The only thing is that when one person in the household is ill, others catch it. My mom has pneumonia. She went to the Dr. and they gave her meds. Now my little Sammi is ill. She has a fever and I'm watching it to see that it doesn't get too high. If it does, we have to take her to the emergency room. I hope not. She's cranky and tired, so she's sleeping lots. It breaks my heart to see her like that. I am also starting to feel bad, but I'm taking something for it. I can't afford to be out after missing a week. Well, Sam is calling me, I gotta go.....
current mood: worried
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
supermama's journal